Good listening

Listening is one of the most powerful abilities you can have in a social conversation. The way people feel comfortable talking to someone who listens well is a feeling so intimate, that barely any other skill allows a relationship reach heights as high as good communication.

So how would you listen well to someone? Here are a few points that help you improve your listening skills.

  • Ask questions

When someone is telling you their stories, ask questions! Ask if it makes them happy, ask about nice consequences of their story so they feel happy about telling it. Ask questions that go deep into the subject if it’s a discussion or a factual conversation, like asking about someone’s study or job. Ask what they do at those places and if they like it, and why they feel like that. It really conveys your interest is the other person!

But: Do not take over the conversation if it’s a topic closely related to the person’s feelings or opinions, as it makes you come across uninterested. If you listen well, you have all the chances to shine out your own opinions and experiences without seeming dominant or making you look like you don’t care. But do respond in some way! All the time listened well will come back in talking-time at a later date.

  • Look interested

This sounds pretty obvious, but is very important and effective! Sit excited, smile, look at the person talking to you. Really physically show your interest in the conversation.

  • Place yourself in the other’s point of view

Switching points of view to the other’s is a good way of partaking in a conversation. It makes you understand why they feel how they feel, think the way they think and understand them more. Thinking this way conveys an understanding of the person and an empathy on a deeper level, which makes the person feel comfortable with you as you really understand their opinion, even if you don’t agree. Tell them you understand them, even if you don’t agree, and why!

  • Accept them

Don’t constantly disagree with them, don’t discuss about every single thing they say and accept things they say without having an argument against it. Sometimes it’s better if you disagree on something to not say it, but keep it to yourself. Don’t always do this though! Healthy discussion is the heart of a good conversation and constantly saying ‘Yes, I agree’ makes the other person feel like they are talking against one of those nodding dog desk-toys.

And last of all:

  • Continue conversations!

If you talk to the person a next time, bring up things you talked about before! show you remembered the conversation, that you have been thinking about it and that it has really been on your mind!

The effects of good communication are obvious: comfort, trust, friendship, and healthy relationships! Now go out and listen to someone!

 

Thank you for reading! 🙂

Advertisements

The idea of understanding

When do we really understand something?

This is a question that popped into my mind one day, and has kept me busy ever since. Understanding was always quite clear to me, possibly through my interest in physics: Observe something (or someone) enough, find patterns and trends and finally draw conclusions resulting in the understanding of something. For example in basic physics: If you observe something for long enough, like an apple falling towards the ground and then stopping when it gets there, you can draw the conclusion that: ‘if you drop an apple, it will fall and stop when it hits the ground.’ and understand that apples fall towards the ground and don’t launch into the sky upon release.

All this is fine until someone asks a question you had not prepared for, or someone (or something) behaves differently than expected to your conclusions and understandings. Questions like ‘Why does the apple fall?’ or ‘Why doesn’t it go through the floor?’ and situations like someone having lost a close-ish family member (like an uncle or aunt), you expecting them to be sad but they are not sad at all, or they are truly indifferent. Both put you in a situation of doubt or uncertainty. The question makes you doubt your understanding, making your hard work feel like it’s worth less.

A situation like someone’s indifference to a family member’s death when you thought they would be sad makes you doubt your understandings of human behaviour, and as you might have realised you are a human too! So this doubt makes you doubt your understanding of yourself, and rather than questioning your own understanding it is easier for humans to defend themselves and their understandings, or even attack the person behaving wrongly. Statements like ‘What’s wrong with him?’, ‘He’s not right.’ or ‘he should feel sad!’ start to arise before thinking that you yourself are wrong.

That last statement is very interesting; people put so much value on their own understandings that they feel it is so much the absolute truth that others should obey their truths, that they should behave according to your understandings.

The only time someone would truly, in his own mind, understand something is of he thought it all out for himself and does not talk to anyone about it, fence off his thoughts from all outside inputs that could contradict his understandings and be content with his own truth. He does then not know what’s wrong or incorrect about his truth, thus completely thinking it is correct which leads perfectly into the statement

Ignorance is bliss.

Thoughts?

Thanks for reading! 🙂

Why psychology?

Psychology has grabbed my attention ever since I’ve started studying. Something about the way people think and talk to one another is fascinating to me. While studying physics and astronomy I started reading more about psychology, which made me realise that if you work the bare minimum to get OK grades and spend the rest of your time learning about a completely different field of science, you’re probably studying the wrong thing. Thus I’ve dropped out and enrolled for the psychology. Summarised into a few points, here’s why psychology currently intrests me.
  1. People’s ways of thinking
  2. Everyone thinking differently
  3. When thought breaks down
  4. The expanse of psychology

Peoples way of thinking and thinking differently

We all have different brains, and that’s unimaginable

 


What I mean by that statement is that every person you ever see, that guy on the bus, or that one lady drinking her coffee on that park bench once, has had his or her own thoughts, experiences, emotions and pain. Imagining that every single individual has had his or her own thoughts, just as deep as your own, and even deeper, is just amazing! Wouldn’t you like to explore other people’s ways of thinking?

When thought breaks down
The previous points lead nicely into the question: What happens when this thought fails? What if someone’s brain works a completely different way to the general population? What if someone’s brain does not “work right”?
These are some questions that popped into.my head at first, making me read more about psychology and choosing to pursue this intrest.


The expanse of psychology

Psychology is incredibly wide, from.social psychology where you observe people’s interactions with one another, to clinical psychology, focussing more on when the someone stops functioning “normally” to neuroscience where you look at the actual brain during these interactions and activities.

Summarized, these are some of the big reasons why I personally want to pursue psychology, and I’ll try my best to keep this blog updated with my thoughts and ideas.

Powered by WordPress.com.

Up ↑